Found this somewhere…..can’t resist sharing this one….By the way it’s utterly humorous but it’s not a  joke….Just reminds us that innocence and genuine playfulness are divine attributes that bring bliss with themselves.
Here goes the story. Enjoy : 

 

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’

‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.’

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple of days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Mozart’s Ninth Symphony,
being played backwards.”
He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony, and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”
So the magistrate kept listening; “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about.
It’s just Mozart decomposing. “

The (over)smart parrot.

Posted: August 8, 2011 in Humour

 

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

There was one problem. The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show “Look, it’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table,” or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”

The magician was furious, but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,

“OK, I give up. Where’s the god damn ship?”

Lost in Translation

Posted: August 8, 2011 in Humour

 

Laloo, Rabri and his son were returning from south by train.

Laloo was occupying the lower berth, Rabri the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train compartment.

The train stopped at one of the stations on the way back and the son asked Laloo to bring him a Cadburys chocolate. When Laloo and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn’t understand Hindi had occupied his son’s berth.

Upset and angry, Laloo called the Ticket checker & asked him to help.

The Ticket checker said that he could not understand Hindi or Bihari so it would be nice if Laloo explained the whole situation to him in English.

So Laloo explained, ‘That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child.’ !!!!!

When the thoughts are scattered hither and thither,

you cannot see it, nor can you hear.

When the thoughts are channeled through a pipe,

you are destined to reach the zenith, when the time is ripe.

When the thoughts are zero as in empty and hollows,

you see the mirror and then INFINITENESS follows.

Starting afresh !!

Posted: August 7, 2011 in Random jottings

Hi friends ,

Orkut gave way to Facebook for some pretty obvious reasons and so am i on WordPress. I have, however, imported those precious words i wrote here and there on blogspot and other sites to “BHAKTI” ; thanks to WordPress for so many awesome features (it gets all the more awesome if you are ready to get poorer by a few dollars….but i am managing it for free 🙂 )

Please click on the subscription tag on the left sidebar to get notified of my posts instantly. I promise to write at least once every week. 

Apart from reading the current posts you always have the direct convenience of selecting the genre you want to read by selecting your pick from the sidebar. I hope to write on all these diverse topics just to have a judicial mix of the different flavours that life offers to us, so that every body gets something to buy.

The “humour” section doesn’t express my views (apart from the title of the posts) and has been compiled from various sources, in an attempt to bring back the lost smiles through some genuine clean “veg” stuffs. 

Also i have added pictures here and there in the blogs to make them more vibrant. Hope you like it.

The tabs on the top, apart from giving a justification of the site’s title, give an insight into the author’s life and has many other (soon to be added) features in it. So keep looking for that space.

Do read my blogs (and save the writer in me ;))

And do not forget to drop in with feedbacks (constructive criticisms) or even brickbats.
Jai Gurudev.